Today has been both the best and worse day of the week. Like I had mentioned before, God has been pulling on my heart to spend some much needed time with him, and I have been putting it off. There will be a time that I shall have a sudden urge that I depersately need to pray for someone. A couple times I did, but mostly I put if off, saying I would go to the prayer room after I finish this one last little thing. Of course after finishing that one "little" thing, I ended up talking to people and never getting my alone time with Him that I desperatly was in need of.
I just now got back from an amazing walk. It was probably only about an hour, but it was well worth it. Started crying and walked down to the island, sat in the snow for awhile. It is a suprisingly warm night out! I wasn't cold. The clouds were beautiful and the snow glistened as it packed beneath my feet. I trudged around the footprint ridden fluff in sneakers, suceeded in making my pants throuhoutly wet. I hardly noticed though, I was enraptured with my king.
I wish I could remember all that I was saying to Him. It was a pretty epic convo.
So yeah, today was orchestra praise chapel. I have been to one before, don't remember if it was here or at Bethel last year. It is absoloutlely be-u-ti-ful to sing with so many instruments praising you! Kellow didn't have anyone to go with, so I was blessed with being able to invite her along to sit with me. I am not very chatty today, but it was good to just spend a bit of time with the roomie. Then I got a text from TeeHee who said she saw me! I waved. She plays the cello you see, and is very good at it I might add. So she was on stage. I actually saw her before she saw me and I was pulling out my phone to tell her "good luck." She beat me to it though. :) Made me very happy actually! So the time there was amazing, I have been to chapel like, 7 extra times already, but am going again tomorrow to listen to the chilren's choir. Should be good.
I was going to put all my intellectual thoughts down tonight, but I am going to actually do some homework now and come back to this post. So hopefully I shall remember all that God has told me. Yet how could I forget? He is incredible. Amazing. Fantastic!!
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12/11/2010
Yeah, so it has been quite the week. Now that classes are over for the semester, I just have a gigantic chemistry lab to do and 3 finals! I have already cried over this lab. All algebra...makes me want to quit SO badly. But just 5 more days, just 5 more days, then home again.
Now where was I? I forgot. Well, it is alright. I talked to God about it, which was the important thing.
In chapel yesterday there was a part where the lights changed from snowflakes on the walls to round dots of light. On the far left wall, there was a particular angle that make the dots look like metal glowing balls. I then started thinking of charged particles, aka ions, and how they disolve in solutions or are used as radioactive tracers or C-14 in carbon dating...Sigh...I have become a nerd. LOL. A friend mentioned that it is good to see that I am in the right major, but after the last couple of days I have been doubting. It is too late to change now however, finals are here! So I shall stick it out. There shall be a lot of prayer needed over break. We shall see where God leads.
Grant from chemistry sits right across from my partner and I. He is a broadcasting major that is taking Chem 1 JUST FOR FUN!! Crazyness. He is one of the genious in the class too. Those are the people that I say, well God, you know what they need to do! But if it was me, I would say change your focus of study to what you are good at. Then that makes me think of how I am NOT good at bio and I just get depressed.
It is important to not focus on comparing yourself to others though. That is what trips me up a LOT. I was reminded by Jesus just the other day of what we were taught those many months ago during orientation and those aweful break-out chapels. It is this - Appreciate the talents others have. Don't waste your emotions feeling sorry for yourself that you cannot do this thing or that. Be glad that others can, and use the talents you DO have to the glory of God.
Seems so common sense, but it is easy for me to fall into negative thinking. I am not involved in ANYTHING this semester. I really want to be involved in stuff next semester. Something important AND something fun. I watch all my friends sing beautiful music in chior, play the most wonderful instruments in band and orchestra, have hilarious fun with acting in the theatre, staying active in track and volleyball, and various other activities. It makes me feel very LAME for not doing ANYTHING. Then I get depressed and start listening to Satan's lies that I am not good at anything. That is so not true! I may not have the same talents as they, and my talents might be lame boring things like organizing and planning, but they are talents all the same. I must learn to not envy those gifts that God gave to others and learn to respect and use those that He gave me.
Then I start to wonder if it is possible to learn gifts? Me no know. But the point of the matter is to be glad that you are blessed with being YOU. Things could be much much worse off than they are. What a blessing God is to those who are faithful! He gives us everything we need. My God is an awesome God!
Be glad for those people who are so amazing and can do everything well. Learn from them. Be not content in your relationship with God, seek for more, but be content in knowing that you are in His hands, and He has got a plan for YOU!
Philippians 4:17
Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account.
This is a really good post thank you Zoe :)
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